As the New Year dawns, we humans have a longing to recommit, to make aspirational promises and pledges. “I will eat healthier.” “I will be in touch with old friends.” “I will exercise.” These are all so good! But we tend to plan and do these things from the perspective of ourselves as individuals. This season, let’s make our individual recommitments but this year, let’s also recommit as families and communities too.
Let’s make resolutions that will inspire and activate all the best parts of how we come together in our core circles of humanity. Let’s plan how we will best take care of each other this year. How we can best count on each other. Instead of rushing to buy that one last gift, or to spend more money, we can create a model over the holiday season that inspires us going forward together into 2014. Spending time together. Laughing together. Loving each other. Taking time to really see each other. With this inspiration from this season, 2014 can become our strongest year ever.
Read more from Psychology Today
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
Tips for Surviving the Holidays
As many of us head home on the busiest travel day of the year, we can look forward to relaxation, time with family, good food and good presents. But many of us may also be anxiously anticipating terrible traffic, long travels, time with family, guilt-inducing meals, and awkward gift exchanges. So just like last year, I've compiled a few scientifically-based tips to help make your holidays a little brighter.
Here is how (Source: Psychology Today)
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
Here is how (Source: Psychology Today)
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
How Workaholics Can Relax Right During the Holidays
So the holidays have arrived and that detested stretch of time when nothing much happens—a few days before Christmas till a few days after New Year’s is here. The workaholic in you hates it; the long void between the Yuletide and early January makes you feel anxious and powerless. Your nerves jangle and you feel guilty. Irritation and a maybe some depression set in as your frustration mounts.
Let’s face it: Workaholics don’t do vacation well. Especially enforced vacations like the one currently underway, presents and parties be damned.
So what can you do? Read more from Psychology Today
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
Let’s face it: Workaholics don’t do vacation well. Especially enforced vacations like the one currently underway, presents and parties be damned.
So what can you do? Read more from Psychology Today
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
The Hidden Role of Flattery and Baby Talk in Romantic Love
Can romantic love transport us back to babyhood bliss?
“O flatter me, for love delights in praises.” ~ Shakespeare, The Two Gentlemen of Verona
The above line provides a kind of paradoxical “antidote” for a more recent quote from Oscar Wilde’s comedy of manners, The Importance of Being Earnest. In this 1894 satiric play Wilde has a character intriguingly state: “The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” Assuming that this counter-intuitive perspective is on target, what might be one of the most effective ways to reduce lovers’ doubts—even though, ironically, these doubts might yet be intrinsic to their romance? What might help enamored partners assure themselves they were every bit as loved as they were loving? That their ever-growing—almost overwhelming—emotional commitment was shared?
When one is in love, nothing could make the lover happier than to feel secure about the other person’s returning that love: That the inflamed—and frankly obsessive—feelings about the object of their passion are in fact reciprocal. If love does in fact “delight in praises,” it is through this flattery that both parties can be encouraged and reassured that their relationship is exceptional, extraordinary, unique.
Read full article from Psychology Today
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
“O flatter me, for love delights in praises.” ~ Shakespeare, The Two Gentlemen of Verona
The above line provides a kind of paradoxical “antidote” for a more recent quote from Oscar Wilde’s comedy of manners, The Importance of Being Earnest. In this 1894 satiric play Wilde has a character intriguingly state: “The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” Assuming that this counter-intuitive perspective is on target, what might be one of the most effective ways to reduce lovers’ doubts—even though, ironically, these doubts might yet be intrinsic to their romance? What might help enamored partners assure themselves they were every bit as loved as they were loving? That their ever-growing—almost overwhelming—emotional commitment was shared?
When one is in love, nothing could make the lover happier than to feel secure about the other person’s returning that love: That the inflamed—and frankly obsessive—feelings about the object of their passion are in fact reciprocal. If love does in fact “delight in praises,” it is through this flattery that both parties can be encouraged and reassured that their relationship is exceptional, extraordinary, unique.
Read full article from Psychology Today
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
Thanksgiving: A time to celebrate family dysfunction?
Getting together for Thanksgiving may bring to mind turkey, football and of course, giving thanks.
But Thanksgiving in the USA also seems to have become a time to celebrate (and vent about) our dysfunctional families.
Read full article from USA Today
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
Teaching Kids to Be Grateful
Thanksgiving is a great time of year to teach your kids about being thankful. As a parent, you may often feel upset because your children do not seem to show gratitude for what they have. But it is important for you to understand that appreciation is an abstract concept, especially for young children. They are not so far from being babies, who by nature are focused on their desires and needs for their survival. With your guidance, as your children grow, they can develop the ability to value what they have. It is actually beneficial for kids to be able to do this for reasons other than building their character. Acknowledging and cherishing what you have, helps children to feel fulfilled and have happier lives. It also helps your kids to to develop empathy for those who have less than they do. Here are some tips on how to teach kids to be grateful during the holiday and all year long.
Read more from Psychology Today
____ Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
8 Reasons You Might Still Be Single
When it comes to dating and relationships, it's hard not to feel that you are a victim. After all, others can be cruel; you will get hurt, and no, it isn't always your fault. But the reality is that we hold more power over our romantic destiny than we often think. To a great degree, we create the world we live in, although we are rarely conscious of this process. We can, in fact, make a choice whether to see our fate through a victimized lens or choose to be goal-directed and take power over our lives. We benefit from focusing on what we can control and not what we can't. We can become aware of the myriad of ways we influence the reactions we get from others, even the negative reactions. So, the question for the single person looking for love is: What are the internal challenges I need to face?
See full article from Psychology Today
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
Ten Steps to Unconditional Love
The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well” -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
We all know that children require unconditional love to thrive. But how many of us feel capable of giving it? We can't, quite simply, give something we don't have inside. Loving your child starts with loving yourself.
So if you didn’t have a perfect childhood, if you're more cranky than compassionate, should you just give up on being a good parent? No. Research shows that we can always grow inside, to become more loving to ourselves and others. In fact, the fastest path to stretching our hearts is parenting, because our love for our child motivates us to grow. (You sacrifice and work harder for your child than for your own well-being, right?)
It takes work, but the good news is that as our hearts get bigger, we’re not just better parents. We’re happier people.
Healing your ability to love takes daily attention and commitment, but it's quite do-able. Think of it like playing the piano. In the beginning, a scale is an effort. But in a year, you can play a sonata. Here's how.
Read full article from Psychology Today
____ Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
We all know that children require unconditional love to thrive. But how many of us feel capable of giving it? We can't, quite simply, give something we don't have inside. Loving your child starts with loving yourself.
So if you didn’t have a perfect childhood, if you're more cranky than compassionate, should you just give up on being a good parent? No. Research shows that we can always grow inside, to become more loving to ourselves and others. In fact, the fastest path to stretching our hearts is parenting, because our love for our child motivates us to grow. (You sacrifice and work harder for your child than for your own well-being, right?)
It takes work, but the good news is that as our hearts get bigger, we’re not just better parents. We’re happier people.
Healing your ability to love takes daily attention and commitment, but it's quite do-able. Think of it like playing the piano. In the beginning, a scale is an effort. But in a year, you can play a sonata. Here's how.
Read full article from Psychology Today
____ Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
Why Introverts and Extroverts Attract Each Other
Introverts and extroverts have opposite—we prefer to call it “complementary”—means of dealing with stress and meeting their emotional needs. Introverts tend to be self-reflective and seek out spaces where they can access their inner experiences freely. Extroverts on the other hand are predisposed to seek out others with whom they can engage and find the answers to their questions in the dialogue that the interactive process provides. It might seem counter-intuitive for these two very different personality types to get together, but it actually makes perfect sense from a relationship standpoint.
Read full article from Psychology Today
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
12 Lessons From The First Year Of Marriage
Whether your first year of marriage was a walk in the park or a test of your relationship, there is no doubt that those first 12 months were a learning experience.
Over the weekend, we asked our readers to tell us the most important thing they learned during their first year of marriage. Check out what they had to say below.
Read full article from The Huffington Post
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Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
Read full article from The Huffington Post
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
The Restorative Power of Recalling Who We Really Are
This weekend I attended my first overnight mindfulness meditation retreat and learned about some wonderful ways in which early Buddhist teachings overlap with restorative practices.
For instance I learned from our teacher (Santikaro of Liberation Park, WI) that the original word currently translated as “mindfulness” has two root meanings:
the more commonly understood Western concept of “being fully attentive to what is” and
the less well known concept of “recalling to mind”
What is it, exactly, that we are recalling?
Among other things, we are recalling – or bringing to mind – the “heart virtues” that already live within us, including Compassion, Forgiveness, Loving Kindness, and Appreciation.
Read full article from Psychology Today
Seeking Similarities Over Differences
In highly individualistic cultures, like the United States, individuals are taught to laud their distinctions. Indeed, all too often the first question out of our mouths at a party – or even a coffee shop – is, “What do you do?”
From our earliest days in school, all the way through college and on to retirement, we are essentially taught to be competitive and how to position ourselves to succeed. We work hard on trying to craft that thing – you know the one – that makes us who we are. The one that makes us unique.
The one that makes us special.
We are also taught how to make distinctions. Within the first 15 seconds of meeting someone we’ve automatically got them sorted, usually on the basis of characteristics over which they have no control – not the least of which are height, sex, race, and age.
I’ll be the first to admit that I do this all the time. In fact, our ability to do this, and to do it quickly, is perhaps the most important cognitive survival mechanism we have. Can you imagine how overwhelming the social world would be if we couldn’t do this?
Read full story from Psychology Today
From our earliest days in school, all the way through college and on to retirement, we are essentially taught to be competitive and how to position ourselves to succeed. We work hard on trying to craft that thing – you know the one – that makes us who we are. The one that makes us unique.
The one that makes us special.
We are also taught how to make distinctions. Within the first 15 seconds of meeting someone we’ve automatically got them sorted, usually on the basis of characteristics over which they have no control – not the least of which are height, sex, race, and age.
I’ll be the first to admit that I do this all the time. In fact, our ability to do this, and to do it quickly, is perhaps the most important cognitive survival mechanism we have. Can you imagine how overwhelming the social world would be if we couldn’t do this?
Read full story from Psychology Today
Sex after 50? After 75? But of course !
It is one of life's little ironies that the idea of our parents having sex makes us cringe, given that most of us owe our existence to their having done so.
And the thought of grandparents getting it on?
Even creepier.
Read more at Philly.com
Loving Touch Is Key to Healthy Brain Development
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| Credit:Psychology Today |
A study released on October 8, 2013 confirms the importance of human touch to healthy brain development. Researchers in the UK found that loving touch, characterized by a slow caress or gentle stroking increases the brain's ability to construct a sense of body ownership and plays a big part in creating and sustaining a healthy sense of self.
Much like the instinct to lovingly pet an animal, gently touching another person is a reflexive gesture that happens automatically in healthy, loving relationships between a parent and a child, romantic partners, and affectionate close friends. We all know from first hand experience that being touched makes us feel safe and comfortable in our environment
The findings of this new study titled, "Bodily Pleasure Matters: Velocity of Touch Modulates Body Ownership During the Rubber Hand Illusion” were published online in Frontiers of Psychology. The research was led by Neuropsychoanalysis Centre Director Dr. Aikaterini (Katerina) Fotopoulou from University College London, and Dr. Paul Mark Jenkinson of the Department of Psychology, University of Hertfordshire in the UK.
Read full article Psychology Today
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